My first Wonder

"First wonder goes deepest , wonder after that fits in the impression made by the first"

                                                                                                        - Mr. Yann Martel

When  I read this line first time I did a really interesting thing. I wondered about my first wonder and tried to figure out how much of this line is true for me. Figuring out our first wonder is not a easy job. Our life itself is based on wonder. When a baby is born probably the first thing it does is wonder , may be an infant cries because it wonders about the very new world around , the new people around. May be he/she would have not cry but look with his/her mouth wide open just like us when we wonder if he/she were aware of that very expression. Everything that comes in our way is a result of wonder.How is that possible to even know what is the "first wonder" which Mr. Yann Martel is referring to.

Then I suddenly thought of a particular thing I wonder a lot about. And that is Time. I wonder a lot about How time goes , How time sounds like a lot but it goes away in a blink of an eye. And that's the very reason I value living in the present so much. This started when I was very little.  My uncle was talking about some scientific experiment running in NASA for 10 years. I got shocked about the fact the the scientists are alive for 10 years more than the scientific experiment. I mean how is this even possible? I thought 10 years is so long that a human being must have been dead. For me 10 years were too long to be alive. Then my uncle told me "10 years is not that much of time kid , you are 10 years old only , how can 10 years be enough time for a human life?" That moment , that shocking moment, was beyond my ability to describe. I was probably wondering " That means I have already spent 10 years of my life , that's so bizarre. I have spent so much time alive and I don't even know how much time that is. It sounds so much but it is so little , so little that you wont even realize that its gone" And that I would like to call my first wonder that went deep. Actually I would dare to change the quote a little for me. To me it is "First wonder which goes deepest makes the wonder after that fits in the impression made by it".

Love the 'Chaos' you are in

When I was a kid, I used to imagine me as a grown up.  I, like all of us, thaught that growing up will be really fun. I can do anything I want, go anywhere and everyone would take me seriously. Being taken seriously fascinated me so much. But little did I ever realise how difficult it is to live as a grown up. From the day we hold the pen and leave the pencil we start realising that our mistakes will leave a permanent mark in our lives. After crossing many stages we finally start to become an adult and unfortunately it starts to feel like a trap. We get to realise that we were in a vague imagination of adulthood throughout our childhood.
  
                  Sounds so negative???? Sounds like everything is getting worse. and the world around us is crashing over us. But, is it so? Or probably there is a silver lining that we are continuously denying?
                  
                   I see kids, wishing to be a grown up and grown-ups wish to be a kid again. None of us is happy with the stages of our life. For all of us, the grass is always greener on the other side. Kids failed to understand what precious time they are having cause they are not mature enough for these realisations. But why can't we understand the value of our current stage of life? isn't that immature too? We have seen already in our childhood that how time goes on and the 'adulthood' comes and nothing expected happens in real. It's always different. This is a universal truth which is never going to change. But the fact is we keep wishing this to change. We all want the carelessness and innocence back in our life. And we do the mistake of not loving and embracing our current stage. Growing up isn't really easy. It's full of pains and pangs and worries. Let's accept the fact that neither we nor the kids have everything we desire.  The adulthood you imagined then was a Utopia, The childhood you imagine now is the same foolishness. as Hazrat Muhammad said, "You will die the way you lived". So, let us create a beautiful and happy life by simply embracing it and being thankful for what we have now. 

                  

PC-Esita Ghosh ( @not.so.trivial )

                 As kids, we were careless and as grown-ups, we know how to take care of things that need to be taken care of. As kids, we could cry out loud and irritate everyone in this world if something made an unease. As adults, we can actually fix the things (yeah, not always but many times) causing irritation or disturbance in our life. As kids, we used to get over things real quick. But as an adult, it is really hard to get over certain things. It takes time. But the taken time teaches us a lot of lessons that our younger self could never get. As kids, everyone showered love on us but as grown-ups we are not loaded with love but we know how to value love. We were never worried about society's barrier in our childhood but guess what we can do as an adult if we have determination? Worry about them and break the wrong ones. As a kid, our parents looked after us but now we can take care of them. 

                   Isn't it beautiful? To grow up? We have the ability and sense to understand things, to feel them, to create beautiful things, beautiful moments, to worry and fix, to be not careless and be responsible. Every day we grow a little bit and whenever we look back it seems like we have become more humane, a better person, who is stronger, wiser and ambitious. If you see through, you have everything as a kid you wished to have. But not everything can be perfect; it never was, it never will be. All you need to remember is, you will never be as young as you are now. From now be grateful for where you are and what you are. Be the adult you always wanted to be.

A break

" I need a BREAK" I yelled almost every day in last two years. But I failed to find a proper break. I spent day after day without studying. I thought that it was my books I am tired of, though I was aware of the fact that I love books, I love words, I love reading, even the smell of the books, I love that. I could not find out the thing I am lacking. But I had to.

A few months ago I and my family made a trip to Hyderabad. When you belong from a middle-class family, a trip is not a usual thing. So I was happy that finally, we are going somewhere after a really long time. My love for travelling is always intense though I failed to grab enough opportunities to travel. So it was like meeting your beloved after a long bifurcation. I was excited and happy.

You know how the first two parts are connected? The thing I was lacking was Travelling. I don't know if it is everyone or just me but when I keep myself in the same place for a very long time, I feel tired, I feel the need for a break from the things and I would never discover this if this trip did not happen.

PC- Esita Ghosh(Insta-@ghoshesita)

Before I left my house I promised myself that I am going to enjoy everything and be thankful for everything that would happen during the trip and not to regret a single thing I will not be able to do. I did so. I enjoyed the trip to the fullest. I strongly believe the fact that nothing happens without a reason. This was my first trip after I learned to learn things from every little thing. So it was quite special for me to actually being in a situation where I can spend a lot of time just by thinking, exploring and experiencing. I had a lot of time as it was a long journey and I took a novel with me. I decided to choose a book over the phone. Surprisingly I constantly read that without getting destructed. As I have mentioned before that I spent a long time in a hunger of a thing that can actually make me feel relaxed. I ignored my studies a lot and put myself in a habit of thinking that I am a lazy, unproductive and unfocused kind of person and badly became very comfortable with that thought. Your beliefs make you or break you in a lot of ways. If you feel like something is wrong, you should not just sit and get comfortable with it, you should take actions that can convert the wrong thing into the right.

PC- Esita Ghosh(Insta-@ghoshesita)

Hyderabad taught me to live in the moment. Life is more about the little things. If you want to know a place, watch its people, taste local foods, go to the small gallies; the essence of a place is not there in flyovers and fancy showrooms. The gallies of The Laad Bazaar will make you happy with the delightful faces of the women buying colourful bangles and jewellery. The pigeons in Makka Masjid showers peace amidst cacophony.  The Charminar taught me not to be afraid of taking a challenge if you have the thirst for something. The grandeur of the Golconda Fort channelled the energy into me.  The marvellous architecture of the Birla Mandir taught me to appreciate everything in life; you never know what can be made even with the toughest rock. Even the auto driver's, a vendor's words can teach the value of smallest things. The Ramoji Film City where human hands have tried to present the world in its cocooned version utteres the deep passion for the creation of human race. This trip to Hyderabad has taught me to breathe again, to live, to smile back to people, to stay positive, to spread love and courage and smile.
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PC- Esita Ghosh(Insta-@ghoshesita)

There are so much to see, so much to feel. Every place is different in its own way. I believe you should go to a place where you have never been before, at least once a year, whether it is a village or a town with no 'importance' or a place holding grandeur of maharajas,  There is so much to experience and you will surely fall in love with it. Life is too short to be lazy. Have the hunger of experience and do whatever you need to do for that. Every little thing teaches us a lot, learn to see them.

THE Feelings

    Feelings, the most confusing thing in this entire world. We do struggle a lot to know what our very own mind and body is feeling. They make us and they break us. We all experience the feelings of Love, Hatred, Fear, Anger, Jealousy, Joy and many more. Sometimes these things make us feel rejuvenated and sometimes destroyed. Yes, 'feel', feelings within the feelings. 

So, here I am, attempting to share everyone's The Conflict Feelings.

Photo credit- Esita Ghosh

         This is a very confusing part of human life. All of us struggle to see our own reality. We say we love the people who are actually our 'habit' and we can do anything for them at that point of time because obviously, human being seeks the need for connection. We all want to feel connections with others - whether it is a  negative or a positive connection. Whether it is a connection of love or hate. But to stay aware of what you are exactly feeling can appear as the most difficult war you have ever fought. To know exactly whether you are feeling happy or sad or angry is not that easy all the time.

    

       Take an example of 'feeling', like love. There is almost nothing in life that we crave more than love. It is the connection we hope to feel in every relationship that we have. But we never know the threshold where the love towards one ends and the thing called habit starts. Habit starts when you start to do something on daily basis and and your feeling towads that person or thing gradually starts to fade or to change. But we, the so connected and attached ones, don’t even realise that. And make it a ’responsibility’ which is a liability in disguise. True is that you start to do something for someone when you feel a connection and sometimes the things we do for love turns into ‘things we do to feel secure'. We try to give the ‘all is well’ mantra to ourselves by forcing us to do those. We shakle our mind and brain and wishes and feelings and of course our desire to feel worthy. Same with the feeling of jealousy. Sometimes you don’t know if you are really jealous of your fellow’s accomplishments or just saddened by the thought that you have not those medals. Sometimes your fury turns into teardrops or your reason of bliss doesn’t please you the way it should. Confusing, isn’t it? And yes you cannot resolve it. The thing you and I can do is to love ourselves a little more so that our feelings start to communicate with us a little more clearly. As, only this has the ability to help us and the world, to lead it to the journey it deserves.

                                              So, let us do it. 

BE STRONG, WITHIN.

In the world full of challenges everyone desires to be strong, to look strong. But the saddest part is 'to look strong' becomes the sole concern of ours. And this desire of mankind has written the entire history of civilization.

You don't really need to look towards the gravest incidents history has witnessed. Observe your everyday life. Every single part of it will scream your desire to show yourself STRONG. Let me take you down my memory lane. At the age of 14 or 15, I was always trying to show my strength somehow. I was almost obsessed with showing how 'rebellious' I am. This phase was the one when I committed so many mistakes.

So, one day me and my best friend back then decided to jump from a balcony of my school to the floor down there. Of course, because we thought we are so brave, we can do anything we want etc. We asked another friend of us to do the same. She denied. Of course, we made fun of her cowardliness. My friend jumped first. It was a really good distance. I won't lie, I was scared to jump. but when I saw her jumping I thought that I can't look weak. I need to do this. So I did that, I jumped and badly hurt my back and several places on my body. It remained for a really long time. I can't be thankful enough to God that it did not land me to hospital. Eventually, I realized that it was stupidity that I committed. This is what a human being does. We think whatever we are doing is right or try to make it look right. We give ourselves reasons, try to justify us to others and sometimes to our own selves. To accept the fact that we might be wrong wrenches our soul. In our entire lifetime, the sole reason behind all our deeds is to be justified, to be accepted by others, to make us look strong.

I was not even strong enough to accept the fact that jumping from a balcony can only do a thing that is to injure. That doesn't make me strong, not at all.

you can find such people everywhere who are always ready to do anything anywhere to show how courageous and cool they are. People hurt others to show their strength. They harm themselves too. They do weird stuff, not because they want to but because they want people to know how strong they are. We search our strength in people's astonishment, in their recognition, in their awe. I have seen one of my friends, who is very sensitive, to go to the butcher's shop because he thought that watching the bloodshed of animals will make him strong. But strength is not something you need to show off. As Rabindranath Tagore said, "He who shows his strength, confirms his weakness". Be strong because you need to be, not because others need to see. You are strong when you don't need to prove that anymore. You are strong when you try to understand anyone. You are strong when you don't hesitate to express yourself.  You are strong when you cry. You are strong when you win and when you lose. You are strong when you choose to remain calm when you need to. You are strong when you fight when you need to. You are strong when you do mistakes. You are strong when you accept yourself gracefully.

BE STRONG, WITHIN.

Probably you all have gone through this kind of experiences, probably some of you are going through something like this. Please do share your experiences.

You never know what is going to happen next

Even a few days ago I had a lot of plans for my life. I knew what exactly I want to do with it. But sometimes things don't work the way you want. You work hard, you wish hard but it just doesn't happen. My every plan failed. So, what to do next? Is this the end of your world? Is there no end of the dark tunnel you are in? NO, it's not. It's just a different start.

When you have plans and you dream of them every single day but in the end, you fail to execute them, you become lost. You will be broken, sad and angry. But what is the point? There is no point in harming yourself. If you tried hard enough but still, you failed; probably you deserve something better and something different than what your plan was. So the new plan is, to be happy and accept the challenges fate has given us. Remember you still don't know what is going to happen next. All you know is that you are breathing and you are alive and that is a bliss. If your existence is that vain you weren't alive.

So the next day, wake up in the morning, give yourself a power start. Look at yourself and think of the time you used to think about your plans so passionately, don't lament over it but make yourself realize that whatever your dreams were you are more than even that. You are going to do something amazing. Make your existence a relevant one. If you are sad then just cry it out. This is probably the best therapy. Bring your energy back. Love everyone and let them love you. Challenges are something that makes life so accept them, get up and conquer them. Nothing is perfect in this entire world, and so you are. You just have to make it perfect in your sight. Bring the best out of you, no matter what situation you are in, accept it because this is the only thing you can do and FIGHT IT.
Remember the famous line??? "if winter comes can spring be far behind?"